Superstore
Between his oddly richly - set up interpreter and expressive , caricaturish typeface , it ’s inconceivable not to find Glenn Sturgis ( Mark McKinney ) onSuperstorehilarious . Whether he puddle accidental double entendres or does n’t understand how clueless his good intention are , the manager turned floor employee of Cloud 9 keep fan in stitch .
No matter what his missteps , his employees and ally always know his heart is in the right position . Glenn may be a morsel on the black side but he ’s the guy who ’s always on a friend ’s side . Here are 10 of his most hilarious quotes on the show .
“Balloons are like our souls…”
In the installment " Color Wars , " Glenn separates the Cloud 9 employees into different color teams and challenges them to make a certain amount in sales agreement for a $ 100 fillip .
While planning a party with Dina , who voices her disfavor of balloons , Glenn ’s response is priceless : " Balloons are like our psyche . They want to go up , but ca n’t , and when you pop them , they shout . " As usual , he finds a way to connect the most mundane thing to his Christian values . It ’s a guarantee way to drive Dina wild .
“Turns out they had a meth lab in their basement…”
Glenn’sstories have a tendency to take a weird turnand this inverted comma is no exception : " Turns out they had a meth science lab in their cellar , which , turns out , was just a front for a dogfighting mob . " It ’s his matter - of - fact delivery of the line that make for a good jest directly from the bowel .
His cautionary tales are so extraordinary that everyone around him ca n’t assist but wonder how he falter on these bit . Worse still , he made this statement in response to what another Cloud 9 memory secret shopper identify .
“People assume all Christians are homophobes….”
This is a classic instance of Glenn ’s good intentions turn out altogether clueless : " People assume all Christians are homophobes . You know that is ignorant . You ca n’t suppose how heavy it is to be stereotyped . " say it to a merry twosome in the storehouse cause this affirmation screaming .
Moreover , his ailment mirrors that of real - life the great unwashed . When the privileged tell the marginalize they do n’t understand how it feel to be discriminated against the caustic remark is too secure not to laugh at .
“For 59 years, the name Sturgis was synonymous with tools.”
When the gang is locked in the store overnight , Glenn tattle about his family - owned hardware store that went out of business when Cloud 9 took over the market . But the unintended deduction is that the Sturgis kinfolk is filled with idiots . In a way , his statement demonstrate that but no one has the heart to tell him of his misunderstanding .
He ’s such a lovable buffoon that statement like these do n’t do anyone other than himself harm . No one but Dina work fun of his unintended ego - deprecation .
“We all come down with a case of the crabs sometimes.”
Glenn is battling an net trolling who hold open making fun of him for being stupid . In a moment where he tries to fetch that everyone gets crabby sometimes , he rather connote that everyone capture a typesetter’s case of an STD .
On the one hired hand , his friends and the show ’s fans are diss that some internet round is bully this sweetened military man . But on the other hand , everyone can see what the bully means . Still , it ’s no reason to keep jab fun at how Glenn often misspeaks .
“God doesn’t make mistakes very often, but when he does, you have to throw them right in the trash.”
It ’s not oftenSuperstorefans see the religious manager criticize the big guy upstairs so this quote is particularly amusing . Especially as it is in reaction to Matteo ’s purpose of a specific display laurel wreath for Cloud 9 ’s Wedding Day Sale .
Such a solid response to a small-scale inconvenience ca n’t help but earn a chortle . The chipper path he say it also piddle for clowning gold as it shows that , even when he ’s being critical , he is not trying to be beggarly . He simply read that no one is infallible , not even his own God .
“Could it be a race riot? It’s so hard to tell in the early stages.”
On Jonah ’s first day , he abuse the pricing gun and make up everything in the store a ridiculously low price . When the customers see everything drastically mark down they go insane and plough Cloud 9 into an installment of Supermarket Sweep .
Glenn and Amy are confused by the pandemonium and this is the goofy director ’s first thought . It paints a picture of how old and how privileged Glenn is to casually assume a race riot is originate in his memory board . How lightly he claim the possible action , in particular , makes for jape .
“Hey, maybe that’s why iPhones never recognize my face as a face.”
When the Cloud 9 employee ’s magazine come to his fund for a sojourn and reject to habituate his cheek for the cover , Glenn has an identity operator crisis . He realizes that he lacks a certain zing which leads to the ending that he ’s so flat even his headphone ’s ID organization wo n’t recognize him .
It ’s a rarified moment when the audience go out the usually gay storehouse director in a slump . What makes the moment so funny is how relatable his recognition is , as everyone ’s find invisible at some stop in their lives .
“She doesn’t know the sex yet…”
In the first season when Cheyenne is diffident if she ’s keeping her baby , Glenn offers to espouse it . In his earpiece call to his wife Jerusha ( Kerri Kenney ) he assure her , " She does n’t know the sex activity yet , but she did have a dream whereChanning Tatumtold her it ’s a son . "
His earnestness and excitement at the possibility of take up a baby do n’t leave Glenn question at Cheyenne ’s pathetic statement . He ’s so happy for the chance that he ’ll even take the uncanny famous person dream cameo as a adept star sign .
“Okay, I’m just gonna say it. I like her less than I like other people.”
When Dina catches a shoplifter , Glenn brings the fair sex in for questioning to his office . The problem is , he ca n’t prove she stole anything . The lifter is so umbrageous , she gives the handler an ultimatum : attack Dina or have her call collective and kick .
As she storms out of the memory board , Glenn admits he does not like the char . It ’s one of the few times the audience watch someone get under his skin when he ’s unremarkably affable to everyone . But even his access of disfavor come off nicely .
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